You are invited to a wedding, especially your first wedding. This can lead to some confusion and questions about etiquette. What should I wear? How do you RSVP? Perhaps the most confusing: What is the deal with wedding gift? You can’t tell how long to give a present or how much you should spend on wedding gifts and registry etiquette. You’ll never be lost again if you have our expert answers to your most frequently asked questions regarding wedding gift etiquette.
1. Do they have to give you something from their registry.
It’s perfectly fine to buy them something they don’t have a registration for. Jodi Smith is the owner of Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting. She says, “Registry items should be suggestions, not obligations.” A wedding registry is designed to provide a guideline about what the couple desires and needs. To gauge the couple’s style, it is a good idea check the registry before you make any purchases.
2. Do I have to send a present if I do not RSVP to the wedding?
While it isn’t technically necessary to send a present after declining an invitation to a wedding, it is a nice gesture. Consider your relationship with them and your budget. You don’t have to be close with the couple (or perhaps you aren’t going due to not knowing them well), but it’s fine to write a thoughtful card. However, if you know the couple well, it’s likely that you will send them something.
3. When is the wedding gift due?
Smith advises that gifts should be delivered to the couple two weeks before the big day. But, gifts can be sent up to one-year after the wedding. You should buy the gift as soon as possible if you are unable to wait. Smith states, “Alternatively, you’re likely going to procrastinate and forget about the wedding, then wondering five or more years later why you are no longer friends.”
4. The couple is registering cash. However, I feel uncomfortable giving it.
You have so many options when it comes to registry options (e.g., cash registries or honeymoon funds), you can do anything. There are no right or wrong gifts to give, especially if the couple is asking. Choose a gift that is comfortable to give and something they love.
“Cash isn’t my favorite gift,” Rebecca Black, the founder of Etiquette Now (a company that offers etiquette workshops), says. While a couple might feel generous with a gift, another couple might be more modest. Gift certificates to stores where the couple has registered are a better option than cash.
5. The couple registered early. Can they still buy holiday and birthday gifts?
Yes. Mark Kingsdorf, master wedding consultant at The Queen of Hearts Wedding Consultants, states that purchasing gifts for other holidays can help ensure the couple get all they need. This is why many stores offer the option to keep a registry open for several more years.
6. The couple registered to receive fewer gifts that the number of invited guests. What should you do?
“Couples sometimes view their wedding as a chance to get everything on their gee-I-want-that-so-badly list,” says Black, meaning they limit the items to make sure they receive them all. This could be done in order to get money, or for other reasons. You have many options, no matter what the motivation. Note: It is still a good idea not to go for something new, but classic.
7. The registry options are way beyond my price range. What now?
Do not feel obliged to purchase items on the list. You can give a meaningful gift with a budget. Black says, “A framed needlepoint image of my wedding invite is one of my favorite wedding gifts.” The other option is to buy them something they didn’t register for, but that matches what they registered for, such as the tableware. Smith recommends purchasing the appropriate serving utensils, salt-and-pepper shakers, and sugar bowl and creamer to match the pattern. Many couples overlook or do not think they will use these items until they serve guests.
8. Wedding gift ideas – Is there an average price range for guests?
Smith says there’s no ideal or appropriate amount of money that you can spend on a gift to gift a wedding guest, even a best friend. Smith also states that no one is required to give a specific type of gift. Is it the old belief that the guest should spend her wedding meal’s cost? Smith states, “Another myth is common.” You should let your relationship and budget guide you in your selections. For a guideline, consider this: Give £50-£75 to a coworker, friend, or distant relative; £75-£150 to a more close friend or relative; and £150+ to very close loved ones (all based on your budget).
9. What if I already spend a lot? Do I need a registry gift?
What’s the secret? The technical truth is that nobody needs to buy someone a gift for their wedding. It’s not necessary but it’s a nice (and expected!) gesture. Smith states that “etiquette is all in thinking ahead.” It is important to make a list with all your expenses (shower, bachelorette, dress, transportation, lodging) and budget accordingly. Smith recommends that even if you have only a small amount, give at least one gift such as a book, bubbles or a framed photograph.
10. What gifts do I need for both the wedding and the shower?
Yes. Kingsdorf says, “That’s part the obligation you signed up for when you RSVP for both events.” You can consider sharing a gift as a group with guests from the same place to reduce the cost.
11. They are registered for a product which is much cheaper at another retailer. Can you send them this product?
Black says there’s no reason to spend less. So that the couple knows when to get it removed from their registry, it is best to order it and send it before the wedding.
12. Is there a better way to find out where the groom and bride are registered, if not on their invitations or websites?
Ask! Smith says it’s perfectly okay to reach out to the bride and groom, or better yet, to members or parents of the wedding party. Also, you can do a quick search on the wedding registry sites for the names of the couples.
13. Is it OK to split an expensive item among friends?
Definitely. Smith warns that group presents can be sticky. The more people involved, it is more difficult. You should decide upfront whether everyone is contributing the exact amount, and if not, how it will be split, who is collecting the money, who’s buying the gift, and who is paying.
14. Registers feel too impersonal. Can there be a way to make registry gifts more meaningful?
It’s all in the message. Smith suggests that you say, “Congratulations!” when you buy a vase. You can fill this vase with flowers on special occasions or just because.